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Another one bites the dust, but hey! Who’s counting?
Hello there it’s me, Jalyssa T. Woodall! And yes, here I am after yet another failed relationship. You may be wondering like now wait a minute, how is it that this girl stays single? She’s easy to look at, doesn’t seem to have any drama going on, and she’s a little funny too.
Well let me tell you *slaps knee * it’s actually pretty darn easy.
Because whenever I get into a relationship, situationship, whatever, I just quit.
Each and every time...I quit.
Okay so for all you youngins who have never been in a serious relationship let me tell you this... shit ain’t always sweet.
Relationships are not like what they portray on Disney Channel and issues do not get resolved as quickly as they do in movies. Relationships take time and have hurdles, and you really gotta decide if you’re down to ride for a homicide.
But you see, me? I thought the next relationship I got in would be easy peasy lemon squeezy! Cause I took the time to be alone. I healed myself! So I’m expecting no real work, no compromise, and I thought it would be... perfect (mistake #1). But honestly for a while, it was!
The guy was so what I wanted. Own house, own car, no kids, gave me my space. Real grown man shit! But somehow I still managed to get here.
Because I quit.
And why did I quit? Because unfortunately, it’s kinda my thing. Quick story:
So when I was in 2nd grade I decided to participate in the spelling bee. I studied hard! Like hard hard. Like obsessed hard. Because I really wanted to win! I freaked myself out and was tunnel vision for this damn spelling bee.
To encourage me to relax, my Mom told me to pray and ask God to give me the desires of my heart. So in true Jalyssa fashion, I did exactly what my Mommy said and prayed.
The day of the spelling bee comes and I’m ecstatic! Round one? Nailed it! I don’t remember the word I had to spell (it was a good 20 years ago) but I do know I bodied it and moved on to round two.
Round two comes and the judges basically say, “SEE YA, WOULDN’T WANNA BE YA!!”
And I was out with a quickness!
Ya girl was hurt!
And all this did was make me not wanna try anything new ever again.
Just imagine how emotional and dramatic I was as a kid. So when I say I was serious about not trying anything new I meant it.
So I got even more in tune with my studies. Studies was different than extra curricular activities. There was no winner or loser, it was my grades and my work ethic and my business. So as my peers joined sports teams, and did dance competitions, I stayed with my school work and played it safe.
But after transferring to a new school, and having had great grades for years I decided what the hey! Let me try something new for once and join the cheer-leading squad.
I auditioned, made the team, and next thing you know it’s practice time!
I was feeling it! In my cute little shorts and high pony tail. But after a few months, I was over it. So I ended up quitting. Yeah I wasn’t passionate about it, but that’s not why I quit. I quit because shit got hard.
They had us working out 3 times a week, having games every other week, and 12 year old me was not feeling it! Granted now that I say these things out loud they really weren’t a big deal - but just go with it.
After my failed cheer attempt there was the failed running track attempt (the coach told me I ran like I was going to the store *whispers* bitch), my failed band attempt (the recorder was hard) and my failed praise team attempt (yes, I even quit on my church. Terrible).
So now I’m here damn near 30 and lowkey not even surprised that I’m quitting relationships all willy nilly. I clearly don’t be wanting to put in the work.
And it’s crazy because this last one didn’t even require tons of work. Not like he lived with me, or needed money for a green card. The man truly did nothing wrong. But I’m just still so stuck in my quitting ways. I didn’t wanna put it ANY work.
Hmm, how can I say this without telling all our business?
Okay so basically we had very different work schedules. He would get off later than me, but we both had weekends off.
But in true, I don’t wanna work hard Jalyssa Fashion, I didn’t bend at all. So even though I don’t go to bed until late anyway, he couldn’t come over after work because I’ll be tired. And then, yeah we both had weekends off but on Saturday’s I like to run my errands so I can’t hang. Then Sunday I watch church in the morning and have weekly calls with my family at night so I can only hang from about 2-6PM.
And yall, this was my BOYFRIEND. Not a homie, not a situationship buddy, but my boyfriend. And to his defense, he was a good sport! He put up with my unrealistic measures and didn’t put too much pressure on me at all. He would always say things like “I don’t wanna take anything from you” and “I know how you are with your routines.”
Sweet as hell! Ideal AF! But I just... wasn’t ready.
Wasn’t ready because news flash, when you’re in a relationship you have to compromise, bend, be flexible even when it may make you uncomfortable. Because you and your partner signed up for this together. It’s no longer only about you!
But just like when praise dance got hard at church.... I quit.
I told my 2 month boyfriend that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and that I felt emotionally detached.
Ouch.
But it’s true. And I wanted to be honest. But now that I think about it, one layer under being “not ready” is the fact that I’m always quitting when things get hard.
Yeah, it would be hard to stay up late and hang out once or twice a week. But it’s a relationship, you make it work.
And yeah it would be hard to break my Saturday Aldi routine, but it’s a relationship, you make it work.
And yeah it would be hard to get emotionally attached to a guy again knowing how intense and lowkey crazy I can get, but I was in a relationship, I could’ve made it work.
But instead I was cold, distant, and doing the bare minimum and now I’m here. Quitting for the umpteenth time.
I hate to say the whole “it’s not you, it’s me thing” but that shit’s real. Sometimes people are genuinely not ready. Sometimes people genuinely stand in their own way. So until I learn to be a big girl and endure a relationship and all that comes with it…
I guess I’ll be quitting.
Now before I end this story, I gotta give a shout out to all the real couples out there. The ones who have been together for years, the ones who have endured through the struggles and hurdles of being in a relationship, the ones that don’t just quit. Yall are the real MVP and yall are lowkey goals.
It takes a lot to grow in general, but a hell of a lot to grow with a partner. So I’m proud of yall, and truly wish yall the best.
And as for me, I guess I’ll add quitting to the long list of things I have to work on as a person. *deep dramatic sign *
Til next time,